After a grinch worthy day on the ward I was very pleased to see the night staff come on shift.
I was pleased because I like this particular crew of nurses.
After so long you get to know the nurses, who you can trust, who's efficient, who you like etc.
Kev and I have nick named a few.
I know it's mean but some really do warrant their dum & dumber, tweedle dum and tweedle dee titles!
I'm not saying they're not caring just not as .... Maybe .....How shall I say? ..... As quick as some of the others.
Anyhoo, lots of jovial banter was flowing, Brett even joined in teasing a few nurses and I thought this is going to be fun tonight.
Then the alarm that we all fear started screeching and all the nurses went running.
A child was crashing.
I went quickly back into Brett's room, I have no need to gorp at such a tragedy, unfortunately I've seen it too many times anyway.
Brett and I turned the TV volume up and tried to concentrate on some benign rubbish.
The alarm finally stopped and our nurses appeared back in the ward.
I went and made a coffee and threw the polite 'all ok?" to a nurse.
Yes,she said, all fine.
I was so pleased.
Little ones can crash so quickly but equally bounce up quickly. I made my coffee feeling all happy and relieved for the family.
A little time later I noticed a lot of adults mulling around the ward, it's way past visiting, I thought ......Oh no!!
I've seen this before.
I went and made another coffee and a nurse came and talked to me, though she needn't have said a word.
All the funny Christmas hats had been taken off and the corridor was chillingly somber.
Some of the visitors mulling around were crying.
I said to her, has the child gone to intensive care?
No, she replied sadly, there's nothing to be done. Should only be a few more hours now.
We both looked at each other. When you've been in this environment for so long death is nothing new but it never ceases to destroy me.
I filled up, she filled up.
I don't know this particular child well but I don't need to.
It's just a reminder of the evil we're fighting and how precarious our own journeys are.
That could be any of our children and there seems no rhyme or reason to which child dies.
I walked back past the assembled family.
I wanted to throw my arms round them and tell them I was so sorry, and it's not fair and no child should die like this.
But instead I gave no eye contact and quickly shuffled by.
Who am I to interrupt their grieving.
I know it's only a day but I sit here typing this in the dark thinking how it seems more poignant on Christmas Day.
A day of family togetherness, presents, singing, laughter and general merrymaking for millions of families and only a few yards away from me, a family are kissing their treasured child for the last time.
Goodnight little one.
I'm sure there's fun to be had in heaven for you.
God, please look after the family.
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