The Prison, the Mood and Clinic

Last weeks clinic was so hard.

Not hard for any reason other than the fact that I woke up in the mood from hell and I didn't want to go.

I didn't want to drive the the hospital in the early morning rush hour traffic, I didn't want to make polite conversation with a bunch of people that couldn't give a shit about me and I didn't want to play nice with stupid baby doctors.(Consultants only attend clinic occasionally)

I just didn't want to go !!!!!

Now, I am sure that everyone reading this and in the world in general, has had a 'play hooky day' -
A day when you ring in work or school saying you're 'sick' when you're not actually sick but just want a day off ?!
or just a day skipping generally whatever you were supposed to do in life! -

Just take it easy Bro.....

Well in the cancer world - you can't
 
Why? 
Because avoiding hospital checks is a life threatening decision and it's not my life I'm playing with.

So Tough luck !!!

We were on the road by 8 am and arrived at hospital about an hour and half later after a very fraught and stressful journey. (The journey takes 25 minutes in civilised times).

Whilst in clinic - I nearly battered a new doctor - with words not deeds.

I kept my lips firmly buttoned.
But, as my mum has always said, I show what I'm feeling on my face and even by being a silent movie, everyone around was well aware I wasn't happy.

The little lady doctor was busy trying to assert her authority and amazing knowledge but instead ended up looking like a half-wit with PMT and an over inflated ego.

'Sweetie, the village has called and it's missing it's idiot - go home' -

But I swear I only thought it - I didn't say it ..... I just wanted too.

I knew more about feckin Leukaemia then she did ..............Anyhoo,  


I don't think people can ever get what we go through unless they go through it themselves.

But here's an analogy for you:

Having a child with cancer is like being imprisoned for a crime you didn't commit.
But at the same time, your biggest fear is parole.

You don't want parole - there are plenty of other families who have had an early release and that's a very bad thing...simply because they don't all get released together.

Cancer families serve their imprisonment in the hope that on release day everyone who has been sentenced, walks in to the sunshine together.


It doesn't mean that occasionally it doesn't make you mad though, sometimes whilst serving that sentence, you have days when....

Its just not fair.